


Captain America PSA

by Headfulloffantasies



Category: Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Black Widow - Freeform, Bucky Barnes mentioned - Freeform, Captain America - Freeform, Filming, Original Characters - Freeform, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Pre-Spider-Man: Homecoming, Public Service Announcements - Freeform, Spider-Man: Homecoming Spoilers, Steve Rogers is a Punk, falcon - Freeform, spider-man homecoming after credits scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-23
Updated: 2019-07-23
Packaged: 2020-07-12 10:10:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,480
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19944442
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Headfulloffantasies/pseuds/Headfulloffantasies
Summary: The story of how Captain America got duped into doing those PSA recordings in Spider-Man Homecoming





	Captain America PSA

An elementary school teacher in Queens had noticed her students obsession with superheroes and in true blue fashion had arranged her teaching program around said heroes. The science section of the classroom was labelled “Iron Man’s lab” and the kids did deep breathing to calm their “inner Hulk”. Quiet reading time was Spy Time and every game they played had some sort of Avengers theme.

The school board got wind of it and lost their minds. They called in the education media director, Clark, to see if he thought this kind of thing would work throughout all levels of education.   
Clark sat facing a board of grey faced old people and very kindly explained that young children loved anything with the label of their heroes slapped on it. But teenagers were cynical machines of sarcasm and they would not stand for cheesy characactures.  
“You know memes? They will make memes,” he tried to explain.  
Somehow the board took this and interpreted that Clark wanted to work with the genuine article.   
“We want you to find an Avenger to do some PSA and training programs for high school students,” they formally said. Informally, they told Clark to jump and when he asked how high they said the moon.   
“This is impossible,” Clark groaned to Kelly and Lola, his assistants.   
Kelly was not listening and was entirely focused on the possibilities. “We could have Thor do weather announcements, and Iron Man and Dr. Banner could do science facts, and when we find Black Widow, she can do the discipline reprimands.”  
Clark stared at Kelly  
“Find… Black Widow?”  
Kelly was jazzed, not sensing the irony. “Yeah man! She’s terrifying, she’d scare all the kids straight.”  
Clark pinched the bridge of his nose, “Kelly, if you find Black Widow you’d better apply for SHEILD because you’re a better spy than any of them.”  
Lola, his tiny blonde camera-Woman, smacked Clark on the shoulder. “The Avengers have a PR rep, you idiot. We can go talk to her. She’ll give us someone’s number.”

The Avengers’ PR representative was a terrifying lady named Maria Hill. For a split second Clark thought she was Black Widow in disguise and then he remembered that international spies didn’t work for PR firms.  
Ms. Hill folded her hands on top of her desk. “You want to do what?”  
“A couple of short PSA docs with one or two of the Avengers. We’d show the video clips in schools to promote education and behaviours.” Clark repeated his spiel he’d gotten from the board of education.  
“You want Captain America to tell kids not to do drugs?” Ms. Hill interpreted.  
“Yeah, for starts,” Clark answered.  
“Captain America is a product of drug experimentation,” she said.  
Huh. Clark had to sit back and think about that one. “Well someone else can do the drug PSA then. What about Iron-,”  
Ms. Hill started laughing before he finished and didn’t stop until Clark was worried she’d busted her gallbladder.  
“Hulk?” He offered weakly.  
Ms. Hill had to excuse herself for a full five minutes.   
In the end, she set up meetings for Captain America, Iron Man, Scarlet Witch, and Bruce Banner.   
“Thor is off world and as agents of SHIELD, Black Widow and Hawkeye are on assignment,” Ms. Hill explained.  
“Off world,” Lola mouthed at Clark. She was vibrating with excitement.

They picked a cafe to meet Captain America at.   
“Do you think Cap drinks Americanos?” Lola asked. She was on her third iced coffee and was quickly approaching a new plane of existence.   
Captain America walked into the cafe in a white t shirt and blue jeans. The Falcon followed him and Clark nearly lost his mind. The two heroes seemed to be in the middle of some kind of argument as they approached the table.   
“He’s not in Cuba, Steve. Would you go on vacation if you were a terrorist?”  
“But Hydra was definitely involved in the Cold War and Buck might have been-,” Cap cut himself off when he noticed the attention of the three nerds at the table.  
Cap was painfully polite as he sat down and listened to them introduce themselves and explain their hopes for working with him and Falcon. He insisted that they call him Steve.   
Kelly short circuited at this request and called him Captain Steve for the remainder of the meeting.  
Lola, still jittering at a higher frequency, asked the first question. “Mr. Falcon, have you ever done drugs?”  
“Excuse me?”  
Clark resisted the urge to slam his head against the table.   
Kelly explained. “We want at least one drug PSA, but we’ve discovered that some heroes have,um, experimented? In the past. And we don’t want to be hypocritical.”  
Sam turned a wide grin on Steve, who looked like he wanted to melt into the floor.   
“Hypocrites, Steve,” he said.  
Steve narrowed his eyes. “You said other heroes. Who else is doing this?”  
“Well, you’re the first we’ve talked to,” Clark explained, “But we’d like as many people involved as possible. Iron Man-,”  
“No,” Steve interrupted, hands splayed in the table. “Do not talk to Tony Stark. He will corrupt all the children.”  
“That’s a bit mean,” Sam said.  
Steve turned on him. “Do you remember Halloween?”  
“Oh, yeah,” Sam nodded. “Get him far away from the kids.”  
Steve met Clark’s eye. “I’ll do it, as long as you don’t contact Tony Stark or let him anywhere near this.”  
Clark nodded dumbly. “Yeah, okay.”  
Falcon shook his head, “I don’t need more attention. Count me out.”

In the end, only Captain America agreed to do the project. Dr. Banner turned green around the gills when they sat down with him and had to leave halfway through the meeting. Scarlet Witch didn’t return any of their calls. Hawkeye somehow got Clark’s number and rang him to ask why he wasn’t invited to do the thing.  
“I am an exceptional role model,” he claimed. “I can teach the kiddos all kinds of stuff.”  
“Aren’t you a spy?” Clark asked.  
“Yeah, so?”  
“Don’t you need to keep your identity a secret? These videos are going to be shown across America and will be posted on the internet.”  
The phone was silent.   
“So I might not have thought this through,” Hawkeye said at last. 

Captain America was not Steve Rogers, Clark decided. Steve Rogers was a guy from Brooklyn, with a foul mouth and an attitude. Kelly had to go out back and take a breather when he heard Steve call the president “A loud mouthed capitalist, elitist, entitled waste of oxygen.”  
Steve walked onto the sound stage with Black Widow in tow. Kelly nearly plotzed.  
Black Widow was wearing a black t shirt with “From Russia with Love” printed on it in gold cursive. She called it irony with a smile like a shark.  
“The love, or Russia?” Lola tried to clarify.  
Black Widow cocked her head. “Both.”  
“Are you maybe willing to do a couple of short videos for us?” Clark asked.  
She smiled like a knife. “I’m just here to make sure Steve goes through with it.”  
Steve whined, making it very clear that he was regretting his decision.  
“Think of the children.” Black Widow said, patting his arm.  
Steve whined, “The children can learn from their own mistakes.”  
The suit changed Steve. He became apple pie, picket fences, and justice the second the mask went on.   
The camera was rolling, the teleprompter booted up, and away he went. The star spangled man with a plan flew through the Captain America Fitness Challenge.   
Clark yelled “cut” and suddenly he was Steve again.   
“I hate you,” he snapped at Black Widow. “I am not an example for children.”  
Lola approached Steve. “We want to do the discipline memos next.”  
“Discipline?” Steve straightened. “Are they still caning kids in schools?”  
Lola’s eyes went wide and Clark had to smother a laugh. “No, detention.”  
Steve nodded sagely. “Caning never worked anyways. It's not much of a punishment when you’ve already lost a fight.”  
Lola made a horrified squeak and hurried back to her camera.  
Clark asked, “Hey, do you want to go off script for a bit? Impart some wisdom to the youngsters?”  
Steve perked up. “Really?”  
He leaned into the camera. “To every single one of you kids. Get your vaccinations. I don’t care what your parents say. Polio sucks, trust me.”  
From behind the camera Black Widow yelled, “You’re a dirty liar, Rogers. I’ve seen your file, you never had polio.”  
“No, but I had measles and mumps,” he volleyed back.  
Steve addressed the camera again. “If you’re going to punch a Nazi, don’t tuck your thumb into your fist. You’ll break your hand.”  
“Okay, thanks,” Clark choked. “Let's go back to the teleprompter.”  
“Hi, I’m Captain America. Here to talk to you about one of the most valuable traits a student or soldier can have. Patience.”

**Author's Note:**

> Come talk to me on tumblr @ https://headfulloffantasies.tumblr.com/


End file.
